One of the biggest issues that we face in what we are trying to accomplish to what we think other people will think of us or what we are doing. We don't want to be looked at a certain way or come off to people a certain way. When we think that way it sets up back because now we try to think of a way of doing what we want to do that won't offend anyone. Well guess what? No matter what you do you are going to offend someone. You can be as detailed as you want and try to come up with every scenario that may occur and use the language you think is perfect and non-offensive and there will still be someone who will take what you say or your intentions out of context. Then the next time you do something you will spend even more time going over everything and trying to make sure no one can take it wrong. Stop wasting your time on what others think. The only person that matters is you. The only person you have to make sure you don't offend is yourself.
For us "people pleaser" this is a very difficult thing to overcome. We try not to offend people that we don't even know but may come across the think that we are doing. We try to control what people think of us. I came across this quote that was perfect for this. I don't know who wrote it but it says "I am not what I think I am; I am not what you think I am; I am what I think you think I am". So basically, we are not what we want to be we are what we think others want us to be. We conform to what we think peoples opinion of us is even before they meet us. The problem with this is that we can change who we are to fit in with a bunch of different crowds. We want to be a part of something but not stand out. We want to give input but not dominate the conversation. Just enough to let people know we are here but not enough to really be noticed. We want to be the "Switzerland" of the conversation. We are there but don't take sides and our opinion doesn't make any changes we are just background noise...
Well guess what, that is not who we are. We are not called to be background noise we are meant to be heard and seen. There is a scripture that says Who lights a lantern and places it under a shade so no one can see it. It was lite to be a light. That is who we are. Are to light up a room, an event, a conversation, whatever it is. Our opinion is usually what is needed to move something forward but because we don't want to rub anyone the wrong way we don't speak up or we say it after the fact when it doesn't count but it could have made a difference, given a different view point. We have to stop worrying about what others think and focus on what we are supposed to do. We have too much to say, too much to do and too many lives to change to sit in the background and worry about what others think of us. We need to worry about ourselves and how we feel about ourselves. We should no longer want to "be what I think you think I am" we need to be who we are called to be. I want our lights shine. Now don't get me wrong there will be people that will have opinions about us and what we have to say and not all will be good but the bottom line is, WHO CARES!? You are the only one that matters. Look at yourself in the mirror and see if you like what you see. If you do then you are on the right track. If you don't figure out what it is you don't like and fix it. As you change there will be people who are not going to like it because it no longer makes them feel comfortable. You are not conforming to what they want you to be. Another scripture says "Do not conform to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind". I have said it before and will continue to say it, all change happens in the mind before you physically make the change. If you don't change your mind and look at things and deal with things differently it will be the same. Nothing changes until your mind does.
So in summary, we have to stop being people pleaser and be a person pleaser. The only person you have to please and make feel good is yourself. Others will automatically feel better when they are around you because you are happy with yourself. That rubs off.